


“I’m not going anywhere.”

by raging_fire



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cassian is the sweetest Illyrian male, F/M, First Kiss, Mating Bond, Night Court - Freeform, Oral Sex, POV Nesta Archeron, Post-ACOWAR, doesn’t follow up with the events in ACOFAS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-23 19:31:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14940470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raging_fire/pseuds/raging_fire
Summary: "I didn't know you were watching me at the party, Nes," he drawled, daring to take a step towards her. “No need to be jealous. You must’ve figured out by now that I promptly refused her offer.”"Don't flatter yourself. Elain felt the need to distract me while you were rather occupied, although I didn't see the point.""The fact that you're trying to emphasize that you don't care says otherwise, you know.""That's because I don't care, Cassian," she said through gritted teeth. "You don't, so why would I? We're both free to do whatever we want now."Now that the king is dead. Now that we have that time you promised me -- but not together, because I'm a coward. Because we both are.—————————Nesta and Cassian finally open up to each other after months of not talking. Fluff and smut ensues.





	“I’m not going anywhere.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So I started writing this before ACOFAS came out and finished it recently. I know it doesn’t follow up with the events in it but I still wanted to post it here.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was barely past midnight and Nesta Archeron wanted to go home.

It didn't come as a surprise to her, since everyone was too busy having fun to notice how further she strayed from them and that her glass remained untouched. It was the Yulemas party, one of the biggest celebrations in Velaris. Even she had to admit that it was beyond beautiful and full of joy -- it was hosted in the House of Wind, with hundreds of guests who danced and sang in merriment. The fae lights hanging from the grand halls were dimmed, casting a yellowish light as the songs became more and more slow. The orchestra invited the couples to dance, the first one being none other than her younger sister and Rhysand. 

Nesta watched from the back of the hall as he lead Feyre to the centre of the room, spinning and twisting her as she laughed with delight. Her purple gown was extraordinary, shining like a beacon of light in the centre of all those Fae. She kept watching with a small smile as the High Lord and Lady danced as if they were the only people in the room, their love and happiness so bright that it surpassed all the darkness that had plagued these lands for so long. It was a miracle, she supposed, that they could live like this. That they recovered. 

She was happy for her sister, of course, but she couldn't help but feel jealous. She struggled, even after more than a year after the War -- she still struggled. The nightmares, screams, the never-ending fear of water or even closed spaces. They took a hold on her life and she allowed them to.

Mor emerged from a balcony, neatly tucking her blonde curls behind her pointy ears and straightening her dress. Nesta didn't miss the faint blush staining her cheeks, nor the perky smile that adorned her face. Hm. 

It didn't take long for another Fae to exit the balcony and walk in the opposite direction from Mor. The female was rather pale and had long, white hair which was braided. Her blue dress flowed around her as she moved around, starting conversations here and there, trying not to stare too long in Mor's direction.

Maybe the rest of them were stupid, but Nesta wasn't. She had read enough romance novels to recognize a secret relationship when she saw one. They _definitely_ had something going on, but she wasn't going to pry in Mor's love life. She knew she'd ask a few questions back and Nesta wasn't going to indulge her anytime soon.

"Nesta! Here you are!"

Elain appeared beside her in an instant, hands cupped before her and a smile plastered on her face. 

"Do you want to dance?"

She arched an eyebrow at her sister, whose smile dropped a little.

"Oh. Alright. What about gossip? I loved those parties where we went to and gossiped about everyone. Or judge their outfits? Although that would be kind of pointless, since everyone here looks so pretty. Even your dress is more lively than the others."

Nesta rolled her eyes but didn't try to hide her smile. Yes, she supposed her burgundy gown _was_ rather lively and spectacular, and they both loved gossiping about other guests and the human parties. But that was in the past now -- she didn't have the energy to examine every Fae in the room and talk about them.

"Yours is very beautiful too," she said, eyeing her soft pink dress which hugged her slim figure. "Now, tell me, what is it that you really want?"

"Why would you think that I want something? Can't I just spend some time with my sister?"

She narrowed her eyes on Elain, whose smile was beginning to tremble a little. 

"What is it?"

"Nothing, I promise you," she assured her, but Nesta stopped hearing her. 

She watched the entire crowd, searching for a specific face, knowing he had to be somewhere around. Maybe he pretended he didn't like fancy parties, but Cassian was always the heart of them, so it was pretty easy to locate him -- right by the bar, surrounded by dozens of Fae as if he was holding court. At first she didn't understand why Elain was trying to distract her, but then she saw how a female inched closer to him, arching her neck so she could catch his stare, slightly touching his arm. He didn't pay her any attention at first, too caught up in the conversation with some other males, but then her moves grew bolder. Cassian stopped mid-sentence and turned towards the dark-haired beauty and furrowed his eyebrows, then laughed as she whispered something in his ear. He didn't object when she placed her hand atop his.

Nesta cleared her throat and turned towards Elain, who was watching her with concern.

"You were trying to distract me from _that?"_ she asked as she gestured to the Illyrian pain in the ass and the female. "What makes you think I care about his sexual encounters? I have others thing to worry about."

"Such as?"

"That's beyond the point and I'm tired. I'm going to my room. Tell Feyre I said good-night," she said and with a peck on her cheek, Nesta left Elain with her mouth open as she headed for the doors.

No one noticed her and she was glad of it. She didn't dare turn her head towards him either -- of fear or anger, she didn't really know or care. She just wanted to be alone for some time.

Her legs ached, which was ironic, giving that she didn't even dance. The other hallways were mostly empty, given for some drunken guests who laughed like there was no tomorrow and some couples who whispered sweet nothing to each other. Ignoring them, Nesta walked and walked and walked until she reached the hallway where her room was located. All she wanted was a quick shower and sleep for a few hours.

She opened the door to her room and quietly closed it behind her. It didn't matter to her, anyway. Cassian could do whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted -- she made it pretty clear a few months ago, when he kept pestering and teasing her with his endless remarks and comments. Nesta had enough of it and told him to shove them up his ass and leave her be.

She didn't think he'd actually _do_ that.

Months later, they still weren't talking. Nesta swallowed up her pride and tried to apologize after a few days, but he brushed it off as being unimportant and told her he was busy with some new Illyrian recruits. She didn't try to apologize a second time and he positively ignored her after that, making her blood boil. 

Leaving her dress on the chair, she stepped into the bathroom and into the shower Feyre designed for her and turned on the water. It was way too cold but she didn't mind, as long as it cooled her down enough to forget about that insufferable brute. Why was he so angry about, anyway? She'd said more hurtful things to him when she was human and he didn't even blink. But then again, things weren't so dark for her back then as they were a couple of months ago, when her nightmares started draining her power and will to live. She retreated in the library under the House of Wind for a couple of days and did nothing but read until her eyes hurt. 

Every night, she woke up covered in cold sweat and a scream on her lips.

Every night, she dreamed about the same cruel face who murdered his father and threatened to do the same to Cassian.

And every night, she lost to him. Cassian and everyone else was dead before her and the whole world was burning. The king of Hybern had won and Nesta was powerless before him. There was no way to defeat him.

Shaking those dark thoughts from her mind, Nesta turned off the water and wrapped herself in a towel. Asking for help was never easy for her, even though Cassian would never view it as a weakness. He offered it again and again until she couldn't take it anymore and pushed him away. 

She put on her nightgown and went in her room, opening the balcony doors to let in the cold, harsh winter air. 

Let him hate her, if that's what she deserved. As long as he was alive and well, he could hate her all he wanted.

But that didn't stop her stomach from recoiling and her chest from tightening. 

Picking up her unfinished book and sitting in her chair by the fireplace, Nesta was ready to lose herself between the pages and forget all about him.

Until a loud noise which sounded like wings was heard from outside and interrupted her. It grew closer and closer until a loud thud startled her and—

And there he was. On her balcony, with a stupid smirk on his face.

"I knew you were raised in pretty harsh conditions, but I thought you at least _heard_ about knocking," she said with barely a glance before turning back to her book. "Why are you bothering me at this hour? I'm busy."

"You always think you're busy, sweetheart," he said as he entered her bedroom but stopped in the threshold. "I... I wanted to see you."

At that, she stopped pretending to read and met his stare. His usual smirk was still there, but it was less taunting, and his posture was as tense as a bow. What's gotten into him?

"Oh?" she arched an eyebrow at him, closing her book. "I thought you were busy."

Her words, neutral and simple but subtle enough, made his eyes widen for a second there, but it was gone before she could call him out on it. 

"I didn't know you were watching me at the party, Nes," he drawled, daring to take a step towards her. “No need to be jealous. You must’ve figured out by now that I promptly refused her offer.”

"Don't flatter yourself. Elain felt the need to distract me while you were rather occupied, although I didn't see the point."

"The fact that you're trying to emphasize that you don't care says otherwise, you know."

"That's because I don't care, Cassian," she said through gritted teeth. "You don't, so why would I? We're both free to do whatever we want now."

_Now that the king is dead. Now that we have that time you promised me -- but not together, because I'm a coward. Because we both are._

Cassian's smirk faded completely. He took her silence as a sign to approach and knelt by her armchair, startling her.

"Wha-"

"I'm sorry, Nesta. I truly am."

She stopped trying to speak when she saw the raw emotion in those hazel eyes. She gripped the hard edges of her book as she took in those rough-hewn features, the hair pulled back in a bun as if he just finished training, his lips, his hands on the edge of her armchair. Her senses were overflowed by his closeness, making her fidget like a restless child.

"I wasn't fair to you and I shouldn't have left like that. I know that what you went through was the worst kind of hell and I just... I just wanted to help you. Be there for you. Even though my methods are kind of shitty," he added with a small laugh. "But I didn't know how. You don't make it easy either."

Nesta tried to hit him in the chest with her foot, but he caught it without even looking, giving her a light squeeze. When she tried to pull back, he pulled right back, grinning like the devil.

"If this is your way of apologizing, Cass, you aren't making any progress."

His eyes lit up like embers when she called him Cass, possibly the only way of showing how far they've come. Of course she was comfortable around him, even though his teasings made her want to pummel his face in from time to time. She just didn't know how to show it for him to understand completely.

"If I weren't, I would've been carrion by now," he retorted. 

True enough.

"It's not your fault," she finally admitted, gathering the courage to say what had been bothering her for weeks now. "I'm sorry for pushing you away. I was... I was in a dark place. Even though the War ended, the scars are still there. I hoped they’d go away in time, but they didn’t.”

”Why didn’t you tell me?” He softly asked.

”I didn’t know how. Everyone was going on about their lives, slowly healing, and I felt stuck. As if I was the only one who kept reliving that nightmare.”

”You know it’s not true. We all have our scars and ways of coping with that sort of trauma, but shutting yourself off from the world will do you no good.”

He placed her foot back by the other but didn’t remove his hand. Nesta didn’t jerk away from his touch — she welcomed it and his warmth. 

“So what’s your way of coping with it? Picking up girls from bars?” She joked, hoping to remove some of the tension, but Cassian, oblivious as ever, didn’t quite catch the joke.

”You don’t _actually_ think that I was interested in her, right?”

No. Yes. She didn’t know. Him staring at her like that certainly didn’t help much.

”I don’t think it’s my business if you were,” she replied.

Cassian watched her without saying a word, making her heart thump in her chest. 

And then he started laughing. 

“You— You’re actually serious!” He howled, leaning on her armchair. 

“You insufferable bastard,” she mumbled, throwing her book aside and getting up. She pushed him away from her path and he laughed harder, making her see red. “If you’re done barking, you’re free to go.”

”After all we’ve been through, you actually think I would sleep with the first person who showed some interest in me? Because if that was true, I would’ve been at least half through the Night Court already,” he said and then started laughing again.

”Good to know your ego is still intact. I’m going to bed, you can see yourself out.”

His laughs slowly quieted when he realized she was serious. He stood up from his spot on the rug and watched her with the same spark in his eyes.

”Do you always have to be so infuriating? You know I love you, Nesta.”

Both of them stopped dead as those words left his mouth. Cassian’s smile disappeared, eyes widening with panic, as Nesta slowly turned towards him.

”What?” She whispered, not believing her ears.

Cassian, just as shocked as she was, stammered something she didn’t understand. She would’ve thought she imagined it, but his reaction was too similar to hers, too startled. Her chest felt like it might explode any second.

”If you meant it, say it again.”

It was risky, she knew. He could easily laugh in her face and tell her that it was just a joke to render her speechless, something he loved doing because it happened so rarely. But in that moment, standing right in front of him and sensing all his powerful emotions, Nesta dared to take that risk. It was well past time, anyway.

Cassian sensed her certainty and offered her a soft smile, one so rare that it made her heart sing.

”It’s true. I do love you. I think I’ve loved you since the day you kneed me in the balls without even blinking, and I’ll love you even when I’ll be nothing more than a speck of ash darting through the winds. I know you didn’t ask for any of this and you don’t have to say anything, but you should know that I meant every gods-damned word I said that day on the battlefield. I’m done running away from it.”

Nesta’s eyes were filled with tears and she had to blink several times for them to go away. She didn’t object when he reached her and wiped one of those tears away with a trembling finger, his nervousness rolling off him in waves. 

“I’m here,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Because he knew that even though she spent most of her time alone, Nesta didn’t enjoy being left alone with her thoughts too much. He knew how much her mind could affect her and what poisonous lies it could feed to her heart.

And she did love him for that. Cassian knew her better than anyone, better than Elain, even. He knew what set her off or what buttons to push when she needed a distraction. She was aware that even though they ignored each other for the past months, Cassian would’ve never turned her away if she needed to be around someone. He cared about her — deeply. And not just because of that thing that tied them together. No, she wasn’t ready to think about _that_ , at least not for some time. She wanted to live in the moment and cherish every second spent like this.

Nesta closed the distance between them and looked at him with the same raw emotion he looked at her. Gods above, he was driving her wild half of the time, but she wouldn’t have it otherwise. 

‘I love you too, Cass. I think I did for quite some time now. I love you even though you make me go nuts way too often.”

Cassian laughed even though a tear slipped on his cheek, then another. His eyes were just as glazed as hers were. 

“I’m stubborn and I close myself off and I’m not good with words, but despite that, you still see me. And I’ll always be grateful for that. For you.”

She reached for him at the same time he did, pulling her towards him and hugging her so hard that her bones hurt. Nesta barely felt the pressure, hugging him just as fiercely. Blinking back the tears, she rejoiced as Cassian ran a hand down her hair, gripping to her tightly.

Gods, she loved him so much it hurt.

”I didn’t think...” he didn’t finish that sentence, burying his head in the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent. Her toes curled in her slippers. “I didn’t dare wish for this anymore.”

That made her heart sink a little. Nesta forced herself to pull back a little and cupped his face with her hands, his stubble tickling her skin. 

“You’re an idiot for thinking that. I don’t want anyone but you.”

Before he could say anything, she stood on her toes and pressed her lips on his soft ones, her eyes fluttering shut. His hands were on her waist immediately, gently squeezing them as she drew him closer, wanting to feel more of him on her.

 _Gods above, this is real,_ a voice in her mind said. _This is happening._

She wasn’t an expert when it came to kissing, but that didn’t stop her from bringing Cassian closer and closer until they were pressed flush against each other and moving her lips against his with hunger.

They were both panting when they parted for air. His lips were slightly swollen and red, his hair even messier than usual. Her insides turned to jelly when his gaze dropped on her mouth and licked his lips.

”Nesta Archeron, you’re going to be the death of me,” he said and kissed her again, this time with more passion.

Nesta didn’t complain when Cassian backed her into a corner, his hands roaming her skin, kissing her like his life depended on it. She lost herself completely, overwhelmed with love and need for him. His kiss was gentle yet full of emotion, taking her lower lip between his teeth before he pressed himself even more on her. When she let out a whimper he opened her mouth with his and groaned when their tongues interwined, making her heart explode.

She was going to die from this, from him. Her hands found his hair and pulled at the piece of leather that bound it until it came free, tugging at it. Their lips and tongues moved as if they’ve been doing it for centuries, awakening something in Nesta’s chest and core. His taste and scent were intoxicating, his hands on her skin were addictive and his sounds — Cauldron boil her, those sounds would be her undoing.

Cassian reluctantly pulled back for a moment and searched her eyes for something — knowing him, probably regret. 

Not that he’d find any.

”We can stop at any time,” he said with a face so serious that she wanted to kiss it again and again. “We don’t have to do anything more than... this. Just say the word and we’ll stop. It’s your call.”

Oh, she knew that and she was tired of it. Maybe she wasn’t quite ready for everything, at least not until they figured out what was that thing that tugged at both their hearts. But for now, all Nesta wanted to do was touch and taste and feel him, finally indulging in all her desires and leaving behind her fears.

Because this was Cassian, and she trusted him with her life. He would never harm or force her to do anything that she didn’t want to do.

Nesta braced her hands on his chest and smiled at him. Truly smiled. 

“I don’t want you to stop. I want you.”

Cassian took a ragged breath, as overwhelmed as she was. He never showed it like her, though — he spent most of his lifetime managing to control his emotions and cover them with humour and his cocky attitude. She never forgot the first time they’d been so close, back when she was just a mere human girl with bitterness in her heart and venom on her tongue. Of course he’d seen right through her bullshit and called her out on it. He was Cassian, after all. Always playing with fire.

When he unleashed himself upon her neck, Nesta’s knees started shaking. The moan that slipped past her lips was unexpected and she clasped a hand over her mouth as Cassian licked a long stripe along her pulse. She could almost see his damned grin.

”I’d much rather hear you, sweetheart,” he nuzzled her neck while he removed her hand from her mouth, placing it on his shoulder. “I plan on making you moan much louder than that, anyway.”

”What if someone hears us?” She asked, delighting in the way his hot breath tickled her skin. 

“Then they’ll know not to bother us.”

Nesta was about to elbow him in the gut when he slowly kissed and licked her neck. She pressed her lips together and tilted her head back while tugging at his hair. Cassian nibbled at her already sensitive skin, knowing how much this affected her. It would be the end of her. She tried her best not to vocally express her arousal as a way to annoy him but when he started sucking the skin right below her ear and grinding himself against her, Nesta lost it.

”Oh my gods, Cass,” she moaned and instantly hated herself for how needy she sounded.

Cassian, on the other hand, seemed more than pleased by that. His assault on her skin was nothing more than torture, drawing even more sounds from her.

He slowed down when his hands reached the skin under her breasts, silently asking for permission to go further. Nesta placed her hand atop his and guided it towards her right breast and inhaled loudly when he squeezed it through the sheer material of her nightgown.

”I am going to learn every part of your body, Nesta, and make you scream and moan into oblivion. I will ravish your body and savour you until you’ll be writhing from pleasure. This, I promise you.”

Before she had any chance to react to his sinful words, Cassian guided her to her bed, kissing his way up from her collarbone to her lips. The heat between her legs was almost unbearable, so she clenched her thighs as he laid her gently on the bed, hands all over her body.

”I’ll take my time,” he whispered kissing her arm as his hands traced her leg. “We’re not going to rush into this. I want to get _very_ acquainted with your glorious body.”

She stopped breathing as his hands reached her thighs and then removed them completely. Aroused and annoyed, Nesta was about to tell him to stop teasing her, but then he placed himself between her legs and _felt_ him. Her eyes fluttered close and she whimpered as he grinded on her, making her body come alive. She rocked her hips against him, needing to get rid of all those layers between them, to feel more.

He kissed her earlobe and sucked on it as they rocked against each other, the feeling new and so damn intense that it almost made her come right then and there. Managing to gather some control, Nesta started undoing the clasps of his flying leathers, taking them off one by one. When he was finally shirtless, Nesta roamed his chest and the hard planes of his stomach with her hands, then reached behind him. His wings were carefully tucked in, but that didn’t stop her from running a finger on the soft tissue, making Cassian groan.

”I was always curious if you could truly make a male come by only touching his wings in the right place,” she told him, enjoying the pleasure visible on his face. “I plan on finding that out soon enough.”

”Sorry, I called dibs on making you come first. No exchanges tonight.”

She would’ve laughed if she wasn’t so turned on by his promise. 

“Cassian...”

He stopped his movements immediately and looked at her with precaution.

”Do you want to stop?” He asked with real concern.

Her heart melted. She almost asked him to stop just to cuddle with him for the rest of the night, but her more primal instincts were stronger. She _needed_ him.

“No,” she said. “I-I just...”

She was stammering like a fool, so she stopped and took a deep breath. Her nerves wouldn’t ruin this moment for her.

”I’m nervous,” she admitted.

Cassian, to her amazement, looked relieved to hear that. Without saying a word, he took her hand in his and placed it on his chest, right on his heart. It was galloping like a mad horse against her palm. 

“I’m just as nervous as you are, if not more,” he whispered softly. “I don’t want you to think that it’s not important to me just because I did it in the past. You’re the only female I’ve ever loved, and the only one I could ever love. It has always been you, Nes.”

Her breath hitched in her throat. His honesty was almost too much for her — she didn’t deserve him. It was a miracle that this was even happening. 

Brushing her nerves aside and swallowing the knot in her throat, Nesta gently pushed Cassian back until he was sitting on the bed and sat in his lap. Her softest part, covered only by a pair of underwear, was pressed against his hard length, making her back arch. Cassian stifled a groan when she kissed his cheek and then his neck, copying the exact movements he did on her. His hands gripped her waist harder when she licked and nibbled at his skin, sucking in the exact same spot below his ear. Gently, almost unsure, Nesta moved against him, needing more friction.

”I’ve thought about this just as much as you did,” she drawled, softly biting his earlobe, earning another groan from him. “I’ve thought about your hands on me, touching me everywhere, setting my skin on fire. I’ve thought about your fingers inside me and your tongue between my legs. Every damn time you took off your shirt to train when I happened to walk by, I thought about pushing you against a wall and kissing you until my lips became numb. I’ve thought about you like this, with me on top, making you moan just as I do when I’m alone and aroused because of you.”

She was surprised he was even breathing anymore. When she pulled back to see his face, Cassian’s eyes were wholly black, looking more like a predator than a soldier. His Illyrian instincts were strong, she already knew that from all the books she’d read — and knew what a dangerous line she walked. 

Not minding his change of demeanor one bit, Nesta proceeded and opened the buttons of his pants. She was brazen and alive and full of adoration for the male before her and nothing could stop her.

Well, perhaps _he_ could.

Right before she could properly touch him, he gripped her by the arms and firmly pushed her back on the mattress. There was an edge of darkness in his eyes that should have alarmed her, but it only aroused her even more. Running his hands up and down her sides, Cassian looked like a lion ready to pounce on her at any given time.

But he didn’t. Instead of doing what was expected of Illyrians and taking what they thought it belonged to them, Cassian didn’t lose control to his primal, more animalistic instincts. He sensed that she wasn’t quite ready for that aspect of him yet, even if she managed to rile him up a little bit.

“Good to know you think of me when you touch yourself,” he said right before pushing a strap of her nightgown off and kissing her shoulder. “I’m curious if my hands will be better than yours.”

He pushed the other one aside, kissing her there too. Nesta’s eyes shuttered while his hands fisted her unbound hair.

”Scratch that. I already know I am.”

”You really do think highly of yourself,” she managed to get out.

”And you love me for it,” he pecked her lips and slowly pushed down her nightgown. Half bare before him, Nesta watched as Cassian’s lustful eyes went straight to her peaked breasts and bit his lower lip. He cupped her left one and kissed his way down to the right one, circling her nipple with his tongue and teasing the other with his fingers. The air around them turned hot and it was hard for her to breathe, especially when he took her breast in his mouth and sucked on it. The moans left her mouth on their own accord and she squirmed below him from pleasure.

He released her breast and blew cold air on it, hardening her nipple.

Her core was pooling by now.

He did the same to the others while his fingers traced circles on her thighs, going higher and higher. 

“Please,” she whispered as he tightened her grip on his hair. 

“Please what?” He teased her, squeezing her nipple hard enough for her to yelp.

”Touch me already,” she hissed.

”As my beloved commands,” he replied with a wicked grin.

A wave of excitement and nerves hit her from nowhere. She didn’t really know what to expect — touching yourself wasn’t the same as someone else doing it to you. What if she didn’t like it? What if she wasn’t any good at it?

Cassian must’ve picked up on her thoughts, because his touches became slower, letting her know what he was doing so she could properly understand everything. Cauldron boil her, he would shatter her heart completely one day. 

He caressed her thighs while he kissed her slowly, the intensity leaving her breathless. When they reached high enough for him to feel her wetness, he let out a groan and bowed his head, as if to stop himself from rushing.

”Don’t stop,” she told him, moving her hips against him. “I’m okay.”

That was all he needed to hear. He pressed one finger on her sex, then another, not breaking their kiss. When he started to rub them against her clit, Nesta moaned in his mouth and squeezed his shoulder.

”You’re going to drive me crazy,” he said as he kept rubbing her.

Those damned undergarments were completely soaked and she wanted to pull them off. His fingers continued to circle her clit through them, gathering her wetness around it and playing with it.

”What do you want me to do?” He says, his voice barely a whisper as he kisses the shell of her ear. “Tell me what you need, sweetheart.”

”Take them off,” was all she said.

Nesta almost whimpered when he removed his hand from her core to pull off her undergarments. Her chest was heaving and her heart was racing in her chest by the time he completely removed them — and sniffled them.

 _Gods above_ , she thought, squeezing her thighs together.

”You smell delicious,” He said and threw them aside. “I bet you taste even more so.”

Without warning, Cassian slid his hands behind her knees and spread her legs before him, completely opening her up. Nesta’s hands were slightly trembling from both embarrasment and anticipation, but the desire and adoration in his eyes eased up her nerves. 

He dipped his head and kissed her thighs, working his way up to her molten core. She squirmed when his lips almost reached her sex but he held her in place, forcing her to stay still. Taking a deep breath of her arousal, Cassian leaned down and kissed her there, swirling his tongue around her bundle of nerves. Arching her back to the newness of it, Nesta’s moans became louder and louder as he continued his wonderful assault on her. She forced herself to open her eyes and watch him lick a long stripe, his stubble tickling her thighs. Shocked from all the heat and waves of pleasure, Nesta tilted her head back as he growled and lifted her hips higher for him to properly feast on her.

She was going to die from it.

He began a long and thorough onslaught on her sex, licking and sucking and biting until she was seeing stars. Running his hands up and down her sides and pinching her hardened nipples to intensify her pleasure, Cassian’s continued to slowly torture her. She had never, ever felt pleasure like this — he savored and tasted her until she started writhing before him, bringing her closer and closer to that golden edge. That feeling intensified when he started rutting his hips against the mattress and groaning into her core, sending vibrations through her body. She dug her nails in his back and rocked her sex against his face, lost from all he was doing to her. 

“That’s it, sweetheart,” he said, rubbing her clit with his index. “Come for me. I want to hear your lovely moans when you come all over my tongue.”

Her body didn’t wholly belong to her. All she could do was squirm and rock her hips as he licked and licked and licked her, his hot tongue pleasuring her without stopping. For the first time in her life, Nesta felt truly cherished and loved. Adored. Wanted.  He spread her legs even wider and pressed his face even more so against her core, mixing roughness with gentleness. When she felt that the orgasm he built up was going to shatter her, she grasped him by the hair and bit her lip as hard as she could.

And then it hit her in full force, arching her back as waves and waves of pleasure took over her body. Cassian didn’t stop for a second, holding her closer to his hungry mouth, helping her ride it out. She screamed and called out his name, tears of pleasure slipping from the corners of her eyes. 

She had never come so hard or felt such overwhelming pleasure. By the time it was over, Nesta was trembling and shaking like a leaf. Cassian kept swirling his tongue slowly around her entrance and around her clit, knowing how sensitive that bundle of nerves would be. She covered her face with her hands and tried to calm herself.

”That was...”

”The most glorious thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” he finished her sentence, giving her thigh a kiss and bringing himself closer to her face. “I think I came from only watching you.”

Oh. Right. Too overwhelmed by her own pleasure, Nesta forgot all about his — and was ready to do something about it when he shifted and laid besides her, running his hands through her hair.

”Are you alright?” He asked, sounding more like himself and not that Illyrian warrior.

”I’m more than alright,” she breathed. “I never felt pleasure like that.”

She looked him in the eyes and found him smiling broadly at her.

”What is it?” She asked.

”I told you my hands are better than yours. Or my tongue, as it appears.”

”Do you really have to ruin our moments?”

”I’m sorry, I can’t help it. You make it too easy,” he chuckled.

His humour died a little when she inched closer to him and made to touch him — until he stopped her hand. She frowned. Why would he stop her? He was already hard, his bulge visible through his pants.

”I actually meant it when I said to take things slow,” he explained with an apologetic smile. “Don’t misunderstand me. I want nothing more than to have you against every surface in this room, but it will be best to wait a little more. Wait for...”

He shut his mouth and averted his gaze. 

“For me to accept the bond?”

”I don’t want you to—“

”I know,” she whispered, tracing a line on his chest. “I know, and you’re right. We should wait. But I still want to touch you.”

Hoping to coax him into it, Nesta pressed herself flush against him, barely touching his lips with hers.

”I bet you do, sweetheart, but not tonight. How about we sleep instead?”

He pecked her lips and she pouted. He was right, of course, but she wasn’t about to admit that to him. The mating bond between them was way too new and strange for her, though something had certainly shifted. Where there was a whisper in the darkness, now stood a bridge forged from steel and smothering flames. It was a living thing, tying them together.

She just had to accept it.

And she knew she would, but not now. She wasn’t ready for it yet.

”Alright.”

Cassian pulled the covers around them and slid a hand around her waist, bringing her closer. She rested her head on his shoulder, smiling faintly at the feeling of him beside her.

For the first time in a long while, Nesta slept through the whole night without any incidents. It was the best Yulemas of her life.

 

 


End file.
